My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
