I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
