Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
