I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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