Someone shit on the floor
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
