mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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