are you still at the devil's house?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
