youre lurking in front of me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
