I think I died a long time ago.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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