I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
