I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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