I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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