she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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