I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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