Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize