Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
