Please don't use social media to get back at me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
