that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
