even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize