I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
