I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
