Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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