she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize