somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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