dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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