I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
