Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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