xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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