i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
