If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
