I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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