You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
