I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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