our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
