The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
