I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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