Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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