Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
