Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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