Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
