well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
