guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
