I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
