Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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