Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
