I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
