my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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