You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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