farters have to be the big spoon...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
