Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize