One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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