Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
