I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
