what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
