Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
