the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
