Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

new low.... made out with someone while peeing

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(440): View more from Ohio

I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.

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(303): View more from Colorado

But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.

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(716): View more from New York

I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!

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(386): View more from Florida

Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)

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(804): View more from Virginia

My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.

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(909): View more from California

I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.

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