Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
