you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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