My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
