i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
