I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
