im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize