we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
