We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
