It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
