She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
