Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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