I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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