whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
