Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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