She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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