I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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