Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
