So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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