I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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