Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I won't apologize to a one balled man
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
