No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
