I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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