dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize