Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
