Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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