KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
