So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
