Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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