I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
