At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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