We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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