I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
