Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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