I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize