I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just threw up on my dentist
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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