nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
