i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
