Porn is love you can see.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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