I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
