is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
