Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize