She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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