I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
