i already hear my dad disowning me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
