Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
