Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
