i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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