A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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