There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
