what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This baby is an asshole
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
