i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
