you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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