There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
